spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
