if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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