The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
