for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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