He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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