If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
