im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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