Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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