Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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