i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
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Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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