is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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