dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
