My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
