I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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