I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
tell me about the eggs
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
