Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
