I want to make a zoo with you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
