We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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