i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can't put those talents on a resume
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
