I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
