Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
