there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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