she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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