drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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