I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
