I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
