I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
only if we run a train.
done.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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