The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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