i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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