Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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