dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
