I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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