listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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