There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
