Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
