I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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