Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
