I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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