just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
