The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
