It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
