Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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