I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
