if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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