Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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