So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
