She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
