Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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