Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
