wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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