Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
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It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
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Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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