Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
