She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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