all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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