This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
