Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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