and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
