Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
