Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
