I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
