We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
