The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
