I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize