How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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