my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
