so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
