I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
