In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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